Emotions

Jewel going for a walk

Bangladesh is a land of love and poetry. Strong emotions run deep in their veins. It is hard not to notice this in the people. Great happiness and sadness. Much love and hate. I see this in the kids every day. There is pure joy in their smile when you give them attention; deep sorrow when they know they did something wrong and are getting punished; so much love in their hugs, notes, and goodnight kisses, and frightening anger when they disagree in a game or someone did them wrong.

When teaching some of my students will go through different emotions like me and a bag of candy, quickly. For example, when I try to get Crissy to work on a math problem she will whine and resist. I tell her something like, “You can do this. I know you can do this.” She will laugh and start working, then she’ll be angery at me for making her work. She a bit of a drama queen. Well, really they all are. Johnny will be standing on his chair singing joyfully. I will tell him to sit down and work on his math. He will with a pout. I tell him, “You know how to do this. Johnny, I know you know.” He’ll laugh and smile then start working. Once I leave he is yelling at me in an angry tone. “Teacher, I need help! You don’t teach me!” I calmly walk back and show him he can do it. “God bless you teacher, God bless you” he calmly states. What a rollercoaster of emotions. Such emotions can be overwhelming.

Katie and I having fun with the boys

If a Bengali gets angry, run to the hills. It is a scary sight. Now that the rice fields are being harvested trucks are constantly driving quickly by on the road right outside our back window. They are hauling the rice and the topsoil. They even work through the night! It has been hard to sleep. One day two trucks crashed into each other. The drivers were in a heated yelling match. It was funny to watch from afar but to be down on the road with them would be terrifying. We thought one of them was going to kill the other. Frightening!

The kids love to take pictures with my camera. Everywhere I go there are little voices asking, “Julie teacher, camera?!” Friday Marc came up to me and asked for the camera. I said, “Sorry Marc not today.” He threw a fit and ran into a nearby room. I could hear him weeping hysterically. It was a big deal to him.

Nathan!

Katie and I have started to read bedtime stories to the class 4, 5, and 6 girls. We go to their room around 8pm, they are all in their PJs, and we sit on a rug and read. It is a race for who gets to sit next to, on, or diagonal to us. They all want to snuggle up to us. It’s precious. After reading is goodnight hugs. Big hugs and kisses. This is one of my favorite parts of being here. They are so sweet. They find ways to burrow in your heart. One night I was sitting in a huddle of the older girls. Tisha laid her head on my lap, took my hand and held it tight around her body. She wanted me to be close. Then there is Nathan. What a cutie! They say he has major A.D.D. but I think he might also have a learning disability. When that boy is happy he can’t contain himself. He is up dancing, clapping his hand, singing away. His laugh is so precious. I’ll admit he has stolen my heart.

Caregiver with her boys. Abraham is
the boy in the bottom right corner.

Is it better to have abundant emotions than no emotion at all? Abraham came to the orphanage during my second week here. I do not know what his story is, but it must be sad. At first he cried but then he shut down and would just sit with a blank stare displaying no emotion. It is heart breaking to watch him. One day two weeks ago I decided I was going to make him smile. I went up to him sitting on the wall and started playing with the little boys sitting next to him. Then I picked him up and starting doing the same. I gave each boy a turn at my attention including Abraham. He started to smirk. Yes! Keep going! I held him, dropped him, and then caught him. After about three times he had a full on grin. I eventually got him to giggle with the ridiculous noises I was making. That is one of my greatest accomplishments here. He is starting to open up. This last week Katie started playing with him but every time she leaves he cries. Of course it is hard to see a child cry but I think it is good. He was showing how he felt. We are slowly chipping away at the walls of the emotionless prison he put himself in.

          A lot of kids in America are taught to hide their emotions. You need to be quiet, sit down, children are to be seen and not heard. In general these kids are better behaved but at what cost? We are taught to hold back our tears.  One of my friends in college said to me, “Showing emotion is showing you’re weak.” I really hope he was joking but the more I interact with Americans, I see more of that mentality. Showing your emotion doesn’t mean you are weak, it shows that you are a living person. Emotions aren’t flaws we need to hide but feelings we should embrace. Yes, we need to be careful with some emotions, like anger, but every emotion brings a different flavor to being. Emotions are the colors on the canvas of life. Bangladesh uses all the colors. K’ub shundohr, very beautiful.